Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
