Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He felt like a one man threesome
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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