Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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