Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
vagina is talking i cant
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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