The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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