if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
