bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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