so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
