i think i have two assholes
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
