My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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