I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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