first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
