And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
