Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
