It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
