Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
