I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Randomize
