so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
