i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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