I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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