this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
