Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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