i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
