Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I will be naked everywhere
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
