I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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