DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
