puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
