Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
