where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
