I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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