Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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