im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
