Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
