that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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