Do you still have your period?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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