shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
