cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize