I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
