they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
