Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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