you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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