Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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