I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
