Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize