I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
