I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
