I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
