They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
