I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
