You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
