well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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