WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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