I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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