I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
