I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize