I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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