My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I checked into jail on foursquare
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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