i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
