i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
