hotel room ftw
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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