When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
