Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
