My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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