Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We're too hungover to prance.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize