Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
