you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
not ubering you a puppy
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