Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
