Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
