Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
