I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize