Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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