i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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