i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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