Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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