I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
