I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
