im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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