somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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