Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
