yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Randomize
