He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
