dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
