just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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