We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
No subtext here. People are naked.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
