Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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