i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize