My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
