i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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