gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Randomize
