T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
