were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
