my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
