you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
