I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
