is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
