I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize