who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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