Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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