Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
