hotel room ftw
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize