You're so nebulous sometimes
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
