is your mom at the bar?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
