Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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