oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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