If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
nutella sex= disaster
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize