Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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