She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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