if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
