I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
