and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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