It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
